______________*[[_____ im not perfect. - but neither are you (: //*`____

Monday, May 15, 2006

Have you ever tried picturing your death and how will your wake be? Well, I did, in fact, I remember talking about it casually twice. You see not just once but twice (sounds familiar, huh?)

The first one was early part of this year, with a friend, Tensai. We were walking along Quezon Avenue, I think we are going to eat at a Persian Restaurant somewhere in Timog. The second one was just recently with another friend, Andrea; when we just came from Calawis after leaving food supplies for the community we are helping.

I don't know, it might be eerie for some but for me I even visualizes it with the help of my friend Tensai. Maybe because I've played and tried to step on the thought of it, but that's another story.

We visualized who will cry the most, who will cry the least. Everything we based it on my level of relationships with the people who became part of my life and their personality as well. Morbid huh? Quite, but it is assessing how deep I have been connected with these people and how will they react seeing me in a box, lifeless that seemed to be the focus of this creepy idea. In a way, it is knowing how I made an impact in my love ones' lives and how much I have given myself to them...

I am not afraid to die, I guess anytime our Creator can claim my life. For others, they might think I haven't even accomplished my dreams but yet I feel in the way I live my life, though I must say it is not perfect, in fact it has a lot of flaws and I made a lot of mistakes. But I have learned from it.

I told Tensai and Andrea, and 'till this moment I am hoping and wishing that all those people who became part of my life will be there to witness this last event that I will be with them. No blacks, only whites and light blues. There will be an exhibit of pictures, mementos of what has been my life. Honestly, it is not something to be too much proud of but definitely it is not something that is forgetable. They will gather and reminisce stories and share it.

And maybe if I can request, that every night they will read my poems, short stories, essays which reflected my thoughts, my feelings, the hurts, the pains, happiness, love etc. These literary creations of mine, I planned that someday they get published. But if I am not able to do that at least the people close to me get to feel and hear how I feel and view life in the extremes.

And I guess I will take this opportunity to ask those people I have wronged, their forgiveness and understanding. I am not a bad person who wishes ill for the people around me but I am man who do have some imperfections that may sometimes cause trouble to some but from the bottom of my heart, I have only asked for genuine care and love and I have tried to the very last drop of my blood and last feeling in my heart to give and share the love I am feeling. It might not be enough or good enough for them, but sincerely and with all my life I have cared for them.

Now I am getting teary here... I guess I have to end it here...

[x] im not perfect either
5:17 PM

thaiprince //* 0=)